


He's a Tramp

by psynapple



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Fluff, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-10
Updated: 2012-12-10
Packaged: 2017-11-20 20:09:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psynapple/pseuds/psynapple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak is definitely not interested in the man playing pool, so why is everyone he meets tonight determined to keep the two of them apart?</p>
<p>Based very loosely on "He's a Tramp" by Peggy Lee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's a Tramp

**Author's Note:**

> WDIShowWriter made me do it.
> 
> I'm so sorry.

“He’s a tramp.”

“I’m sorry?” The words snapped Castiel back to reality, breaking him out of a pleasant daydream involving his couch, a cup of coffee, and the latest issue of Beekeepers Weekly. He turned around in his seat, only to find himself almost touching noses with the blonde bartender as she leaned across the counter.

“He’s a tramp,” she repeated, grinning. “You know, a man-whore.”

“I don’t understand.“

“You’re staring at Dean, right? Dean Winchester? Big green eyes, bow legs, and a smile that could drop panties at fifty paces?”

“I wasn’t-“ Castiel faltered, gripping onto the edge of the bar so tightly that his knuckles became white.

“Honey,” the bartender said with a vaguely condescending smile, “don’t try to deny it. You’ve been facing the pool tables all night, so, unless I’ve pegged you wrong and you’re actually into bald guys with tattoos of naked ladies riding dragons, you’ve got it bad for our Dean.”

“I don’t ‘have it bad’ for anyone.” Castiel scowled behind his air quotes. “I’m waiting for my brother to stagger over with the night’s conquest so I can make my excuses and return home at a reasonable hour.” This was, in essence, true. Gabriel had begged him to come to Harvelle’s Roadhouse tonight and Castiel had grudgingly agreed, knowing it was the only way to stop the constant C’mon, don't you want to bond with your favoritest brother? and How long has it been since you got laid?-lines of inquiry. Once they had arrived, however, it had become clear that Gabriel was more concerned with Nickel Shot Night than he was with Castiel’s sex life (a fact that Castiel was naturally grateful for). Castiel had spent most of the night thus far sullenly keeping tabs on his older brother. Gabriel was currently invading the personal space of a beautiful Indian woman who looked like she was a second away from either slapping him or viciously attaching her mouth to his. Castiel found himself half-hoping she chose the former option. He regretted doing so for only an instant; it was, he thought, his right as a beleaguered younger brother.

This wasn’t to say that it had escaped Castiel’s notice that there was an extremely good-looking man in the general vicinity. He wasn’t blind, and it helped that Gabriel had set up camp not too far away from the pool tables. Dean was difficult to ignore, especially when he was playing such a suggestive sport that involved a lot of sliding and bending over and-

A hand waved in front of his face. “Earth to blue eyes,” his conversational partner said with a laugh. “Going all dreamy whenever I mention his name does not help your case one bit.”

Castiel leaned back. “Aren’t you supposed to be serving other customers?” he growled.

“I could be,” she replied cheekily, “but I thought you needed the warning. I’d hate to see you all heartbroken. I have a feeling you’d have really sad puppy eyes.”

Castiel made a face at that. “Heartbroken? Hardly.”

“I dunno,” she said, suddenly somber. “You look pretty soft. Kinda nerdy. Not really Dean’s type, you know? He’d chew you up and spit you out like a dog toy.” Castiel blanched, not expecting that amount of scrutiny from a stranger. The girl’s eyes went blank for a moment, then she plastered on an impish smile. “Still,” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper, “I don’t blame you. I bet he’s a great lay.”

“Joanna Beth!” There was a smacking sound of knuckles meeting the back of someone’s head, followed up by a piteous whimper.

“Mo-om,” the bartender whined, rubbing at the sore spot.

“Jo, am I paying you to serve drinks or to make our customers’ ears drop off from your blabbering? Get back to work.”

“Just trying to help,” Jo grumbled. She grabbed a towel and headed to the far end of the bar.

“I apologize for my daughter,” the newcomer told Castiel. “I’m Ellen Harvelle. I run this place, and apparently good help is hard to find.”

“I understand,” Castiel said. “Often when I return to the university after a leave of absence, I find that my substitute has done a poor job of filling in for me. It sometimes takes several days before I can rectify whatever egregious missteps he or she might have made.”

Ellen blinked in surprise. “Usually I just have to remind Jo to keep her eyes on her work.”

Castiel almost smiled. “Not so different from my students.”

“So, what, you some new hotshot professor?” Ellen asked, leaning over the bar in much the same manner as her daughter. “Because I thought I knew everyone in this town, especially the teachers. Hell, I see two or three of them every night, trying to grade essays while drunk.”

“Speaking to a room of uninterested students for hours on end does make imbibing seem an attractive option,” Castiel admitted. “But to answer your question, no. I’ve been teaching at Creighton for a year now in the theology department. I just haven’t had time to frequent the neighborhood until tonight.”

“Well, you make up for that with a big tip and I won’t hold it against you,” Ellen said with a friendly wink. Castiel nodded back hesitantly. Ellen raised her eyes heavenwards and chuckled. “Actually, have one on the house, just to make up for Jo being Jo. Besides, I have a feeling you need to loosen up some.”

Castiel accepted the offer thankfully. He had lost sight of Gabriel by this point, which meant this could end up being a much longer outing than he had anticipated.

A glass appeared in Ellen’s hand as if by magic. She brought it over to the taps and began to fill it with some noxious looking liquid. “By the way, what was my daughter trying to help you out with?” she asked over her shoulder.

Castiel colored. “She was under the impression that I was attracted to one of the men playing pool,” he mumbled.

Ellen’s eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t tell me. Dean?”

Castiel nodded mutely.

“It’s not my place to say anything,” Ellen began, “but I’d stay away from that one if I were you.”

Castiel held up a hand to stop what he was sure would be a complete rundown on Dean Winchester’s shortcomings. “Trust me when I say I’ve heard it already from your daughter,” he said. “If I had been inclined to introduce myself to him before, I would not have been after our conversation.”

Ellen looked unconvinced but left anyway after serving Castiel his drink. He sighed, relieved. Ellen and Jo seemed nice enough, and had the topic of conversation been any different he might have been more forthcoming, but his love life (or lack thereof) was not for public consumption. He hunched over his free beer in the hopes that it would prevent any more strangers from approaching him with unsolicited advice. Unbidden, his eyes darted over to the pool tables where Dean was now embracing a much taller man with shaggy hair and bright eyes. A prickly feeling rolled through him. Stop that, he thought to himself. Attractive strangers can have equally attractive significant others. In fact, it’s statistically likely. Still, he couldn’t help the erratic rhythm of his heartbeat when Dean looked in his direction and their eyes met briefly. Castiel made up for his uneasiness by glaring. For some reason this did not dissuade Dean from maintaining eye contact, and for a few terse seconds they were locked in an awkward staring contest that was only broken when Dean’s companion diverted his attention.

“Having it baaaaaad,” Jo sang as she passed by with somebody’s order.

The drink had relaxed Castiel enough that he was comfortable with singing back, “Has a boyfriennnnd.”

Jo set the drink down on the table with a sharp clink, her back facing Castiel. “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know you were taken already. I guess I can come on a little strong sometimes.”

“Not me,” Castiel explained. “Him.”

Jo let out a bark of laughter. “Dean definitely does not have a boyfriend,” she informed him. “Or did you miss the part where he’s the original Mr. Commitment-phobe?”

“I think there’s something he’s not telling you, then,” Castiel said smugly, “because he’s with someone right now, and they look pretty familiar to me.”

Jo whipped around, her face frozen comically in a half-grimace. Castiel mentally patted himself on the back but stopped mid-congratulations when Jo began to choke on her laughter.

“You think …he is…they are…” she sputtered, her face pink.

Castiel cocked his head. “I’m not sure what you’re trying to tell me,” he said snidely, “but I gather I am incorrect.”

Jo shot him an amused look. “Just a little.” She cupped her hands around her mouth and gave a shout. “Sam!” The lanky man turned in her direction and pointed at himself questioningly. “Doofus,” she said under her breath. “Yeah, you! You come in and don’t even say hi? Get your ass over here!”

Sam ran a hand through his hair and flashed Jo a sheepish grin. He lumbered over, his long legs eating up the floor of the bar in no time. Folding himself into the seat next to Castiel, he leaned his arms against the bar and looked up at Jo. “Hey.”

“Hey right back at you,” she said. “Sam, I’d like to introduce you to my new friend-“ Here she broke off, clearly remembering that Castiel had never actually given her his name.

“Castiel Novak,” he said, taking pity on her.

“Right. Castiel Novak. Sam, this is Castiel. Castiel, this is Sam. Sam Winchester,” she added pointedly. “Sam Winchester. Like Dean Winchester. As in, brothers. As in, not boyfriends.” Castiel bit his lower lip, embarrassed.

Sam scrunched up his nose in revulsion. “Boyfriends? Jo, what the hell are you talking about?”

Jo nudged Castiel’s shoulder gently. “Castiel here was just a little confused when he saw you two making googly eyes at each other.”

“Googly eyes?” Sam said, taken aback. “Seriously?” He spun toward Castiel. “It’s nothing like that,” he said. “I’ve been out of state for grad school and it’s been almost a year since we’ve seen each other.” Castiel let out his first real laugh of the night. Sam was so obviously repulsed by the turn that the conversation had taken that he couldn’t help it. Sam smiled in disbelief. “Boyfriends,” he said. “Honestly.”

“See, Castiel?” Jo said. “No worries. Dean is as single as the clientele of eHarmony. And probably just as horny.”

Sam let out a pained noise. “Please don’t talk about Dean like that when I’m right here.” Jo cackled evilly and drifted away to attend to someone who was flagging her down.

“So are you, uh, interested?” Sam asked, rubbing the back of his neck. “In Dean, that is. Not in me. I mean, I’m okay with that! I’m just not-“

“One of us?” Castiel asked gravely.

Sam looked horrified for a second until he determined that Castiel was joking. He slumped forward. “Sorry, man, I didn’t mean it like that. I’ve had a long night.”

Castiel grunted. “As have I.”

Sam laughed. “Somehow I believe it,” he said. “But to get back to my earlier question, are you into Dean? Because if you are, I should probably tell you-“

“He’s more of a one-night-stand type of man? He’s not one to settle down? He’s not interested in men like me?” Castiel guessed.

“How did you know what I was going to say?” Sam asked with raised eyebrows.

“Jo and Ellen have already told me everything,” Castiel confessed. “It’s become the overarching theme of the night.”

“Sorry.” Sam had the good grace to look discomfited.

“I have to ask,” Castiel said, curious. “Why does everyone assume I would not be in favor of a fling? Isn’t that what most of these patrons are looking for when they pursue romantic attachments?”

“Dude,” Sam said. “You’re wearing a business suit. At a bar.”

“Business-casual,” Castiel retorted petulantly. “Still, the question stands. Why wouldn’t I fit your brother’s ideal profile? Hypothetically, of course.”

“I dunno,” Sam said. “He goes more for aggressively forward people. Guys and girls who know the score. You look like someone who needs a few dates before making any, uh, decisions.”

Castiel considered this. “I suppose that’s true to a certain extent,” he admitted. “The thought of copulating with a stranger isn’t inherently appealing to me.”

Sam coughed. “Castiel, you seem like a nice guy, but please don’t ever mention copulation and my brother in the same sentence ever again.”

“I never explicitly said it was Dean I was thinking about,” Castiel said, going for innocence but not quite pulling it off.

Sam gave him a look that said Nice try, but I’ve heard it before. He opened his mouth, presumably to make a retort, but let out a groan instead.

“What is it?” Castiel asked.

“Nothing,” Sam said, resting his forehead in his hands. “I was just looking forward to catching up with my brother tonight. Looks like he found someone else to go home with, though.”  
Castiel not-so-casually twisted in his seat in the direction of the pool tables to see who Dean was talking to. He almost completely tuned out Sam’s offhanded comment that “this was exactly the kind of person” that Sam was talking about when he saw his brother gesticulating wildly in Dean’s face.

“Excuse me for a moment,” Castiel said. He pushed off the seat and jostled his way through the crowd. Someone jostled back, sending a sharp elbow into his side. He stumbled forward, rubbing at his ribcage. He was steadied by a pair of warm hands on his shoulders that lingered before sliding away slowly. Looking up, he made eye contact once again with the man who had somehow become the main focus of the evening.

“Hello, Dean,” he said with as much dignity as he could muster. Dean’s raised his eyebrows, looking so much like his brother that Castiel felt much more at ease.

“Sorry,” Dean said smoothly, “but I don’t think we’ve met.”

“No, but I’ve heard a lot about you,”Castiel said. “From your brother. And Jo. Not that I was asking, of course. They just thought it was pertinent information to have.” Dean’s answering grin made him fall silent.

“It doesn’t seem fair that you know my life’s story and I don’t even know who you are, now does it?” he teased.

“Castiel. Castiel Novak. And it wasn’t your life’s story, I promise. I tried to stop them from telling me anything, but I was unsuccessful and I apologize. It was inappropriate.”

“See, I’m all for inappropriate,” Dean said, winking. “And it just so happens, Cas, that I’ve been grilling your brother for the past coupla minutes about you. He seems to think I’m bad news, though. Wouldn’t even tell me your name.”

Gabriel slung an arm around Castiel’s shoulders. Castiel was still savoring the flutter of warmth and surprise that had gone through him at hearing Dean call him by a nickname, but this was dispelled when Gabriel chose that moment to play the protective older brother.

“Yer no good for him,” he slurred. “Castiel is smart an’ good at things an’ he’s practically a virgin. You’d just mess him up with all your charm an’ handsome face-ness.”

Dean looked at Castiel. “That true?”

“I shudder to think what part you’re referring to,” Castiel deadpanned.

Dean’s face became serious for a moment. “He’s not wrong, you know. I can’t promise anything.”

Castiel huffed an exasperated breath. “Why is that everyone’s primary concern? I am perfectly capable of having a short-term relationship.”

“I didn’t say that, exactly,” Dean replied quickly. “I just want to make sure you, uh-“

“Know the score?” Castiel asked, smiling.

“Yeah,” Dean breathed. He returned the smile, this one softer than the amused smirk he had given Castiel only a minute ago. They started to slide into another bout of prolonged staring but were interrupted by Gabriel’s unimpressed snort.

“I’m gonna go find Kali,” he said. “Jus’ remember that I warned you, Cas’iel.”

The two watched Gabriel stumble away. The silence left behind was oddly peaceful, not at all what Castiel would have expected. Unfortunately, he felt the need to break it with another apology.

“Gabriel isn’t normally like this,” he lied. “It must be the alcohol, and I think I heard him complaining about problems at work.”

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean said. “Guy’s been real helpful. Hell, he convinced me I should give asking you out a shot, even though I don’t think that’s what he was going for.”

“Ah, but you haven’t,” Castiel said. “Asked me out, that is,” he clarified when Dean looked at him in confusion. Dean’s face cleared.

“Castiel Novak,” he said, straightening up and puffing out his chest theatrically. “Would you like to have dinner with me, Dean Winchester?”

“Why yes, Dean Winchester,” Castiel said, feeling a little foolish but too pleased to care. “I believe I would enjoy that.”

Dean relaxed and began to guide him out of the bar, casually sliding his hand over the small of Castiel’s back. “Italian all right with you?”


End file.
